Mental anguish at passed pain that you caused is often overshadowed by my mind's ability to perpetuate selective amnesia, enabling me to only recall those great moments that we shared; the smiles that were drawn on my face, the laughter that tickled my inner parts, the wind that challenged my gravity, and the emotion that kept me off balance.
But maybe that's a curse. Maybe I am stuck with the good memories....having to force myself to recall the many moments where I found myself reconstructing the destruction and turmoil that you caused. Struggling for the life of me to escape the affect that you demand on the innermost parts of me....
I have to remind myself that what you demonstrated was not only conditional, but selfish at its core because your intention was to eventually benefit yourself by giving yourself an opportunity to have the very essence of me under false pretenses.
Even though I have to remind myself of these instances of destruction and pain, I appreciate the moments of clarity that often escape me. If it wasn't for these moments, you'd probably still have a chance..... But then again, maybe I'm not selfish ENOUGH...... I just changed my mind.....
Karlin J & Associates is a social impact consulting company focusing on supporting individuals, families, teams, programs, departments, and organizations. Positively impacting communities, holistically, through professional development, coaching, and systems alignment toward integration and systemic social improvement.